DON'T MAKE DIVORCE WORSE THAN IT HAS TO BE
A RADICALLY DIFFERENT APPROACH TO DIVORCE:
While other attorneys promote feelings of anger and encourage contentiousness so they make more money from litigation, I'm looking for creative ways to help the parties negotiate a Settlement Agreement witout a judge. Concious uncoupling. Collaborative divorce, rather than combative.
A divorce is always a tragedy. Or more specifically, the end of a relationship that has become a tragedy. By the time someone wants a divorce, odds are that the relationship has become abusive to one or both of the partners. Divorce is expensive and emotionally draining under the best of circumstances. Where the parties are contentious, the whole process can become destructive, spiritually and financially. Children will suffer as their parents suffer during a divorce and are especially vulnerable to the horrors of litigation over custody.
I’m not here to help you get revenge. Whatever the outcome in court against your soon-to-be ex-partner, it’s never going to be enough to settle the emotional scores that have accumulated in a marriage ending in divorce. If you’re getting a divorce, it means it’s time for you to move on. Getting bogged down in litigation for years of your life is not moving on. Going to court also means that a total stranger is making decisions about your life. I’m not a fan of that in any situation, and I feel even more strongly when there are kids involved. Better to take a collaborative approach. Parents can work out any arrangement they want for custody and financial contribution, residences, and schedules, and as long as both parties consent, the judge is pretty much going to sign off on it. You can think outside the box and be as creative as you want to be. If you let the judge decide, it’s a roll of the dice that can be decided by random things that are completely out of your control like your judge’s personal history with divorce in his family and/or personal life, or simply what kind of mood your judge is in on the day you go to court. I’m not a fan of that kind of risk. Better to take responsibilty for not letting your negative emotions sabotage your best interests and negotiate.
Which is not to say that there aren't times you have to go to Court. Perhaps your partner isn't in the same emotional space you are. Regardless, it's important not to let yourself get sucked into that destructive drama.